ROFL: Random Outbursts From Lar! LarryNocella.com

30May/06Off

Our Favorite Decoys

What’s vaguely cylindrical, brown, and floats to the top of scummy swamp water? If you said Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, or Anne Coulter you’re right!

Because they’re alligator turds? Not just because of that, but also because they’re like wooden duck decoys: their whole purpose is to distract.

That’s what they and all their kind are for: DISTRACTION. Why, they’re just a bunch of...

Jackasses? No – don’t want to insult jackasses. Donkeys seem friendly and mellow. Assholes? No – don’t want to insult assholes. At least THEY have a purpose. Snotty Shit Balls? Well, I don’t really want to insult snotty shit balls, but this damn analogy needs to end.

The whole cast of snotty shit balls (SSBs) that currently make up the conservative media attack are fakes that draw away attention from real issues. While people should be talking to their president about what a SSB he is, they often spend time talking to an intermediary SSB (Bill, Sean, Anne) about what a SSB the president is.

For example, Bill O’Reilly has tons of people proving him wrong on a daily basis. He’s like the Pied Piper of liberals, leading them away from more worthwhile pursuits whenever he toots. While I wouldn’t want to discourage such a valuable (and easy) activity as pointing out what a smacked ass Bill is, I am a little jaded. It seems like EVERYONE is doing it. Come on people, get some new material!

Anne Coulter? Is it really worth any effort to point out the things she says are racist? (Actually, they’re well-crafted to be borderline racist, so liberals can get all burned up, give her more attention, and the real racists can buy more of her books and claim what she said isn’t actually racist. Ultimately, everyone remains distracted from any issue of substance.)

Sean Hannity? Okay, you get the idea. Distraction. One might argue that these commentators give people with brains a chance to point out the fact-based side of things. However, I’m still not comfortable with that, because it’s letting decoys choose the discussion topics.

I can’t help but think that every time someone bothers to pay attention to these idiots, and very brainy people spend their time writing about them or commenting on them, and proving them wrong again and again and again, the tiny coal engine that passes for Dick Cheney’s heart wheezes a little louder. How many times does Bill O’Reilly have to be proven wrong before you just stop bothering to prove him wrong?

But wait a minute! Have I fallen into their trap? By pointing out they distract, have I been distracted?

Rest assured this will be my one and only blog entry about the decoys. Just by typing this entry, I feel like I dropped my keys in a clogged public toilet in a foreign city’s airport, and my plane is leaving, and I have no choice but to stick my hand in to get them… GROSS!

Well, yeah. That’s how I feel giving these attention vampires what they crave. But now that I’ve illustrated what they are, I have no further use for them. Farewell decoys! You’ve been exposed. Ok. Done. Now on to the next project. I encourage my fellow bloggers to do the same.