ROFL: Random Outbursts From Lar!


Effective Immediately! [Memo 2]

The following are effective immediately!

2.1 Social Schism
Effective immediately, Teabaggers must stop labeling everything they hate as socialist. It's obvious they don't know what socialism is. And why should they care? If an idea is good, there's no need to fret over what category it's in. Teabaggers, when you call everything socialist you sound like hippies calling everything they hated fascist. Because of that knee-jerk attitude, hippies are remembered as little more than a hilarious historical footnote. Just like you will be.

2.2 The 2,000 Year-Old Virgin
Effective immediately, Christians must stop pretending that Jesus didn't have a penis. Christians say, "Jesus was tempted by the flesh" but they don't elaborate. What might that mean for a male in his 30s? Was he a vegan at a steakhouse? No, it meant he wanted his rod and staff to comfort thee. Christians say Jesus was part-man, but somehow also a virgin. Come on, people, don't ask don't tell has been repealed! So do tell because I hear Jesus was well-hung.

2.3 Kenya Do It, Birthers?
Effective immediately, birthers must stop pretending that if they saw Obama's birth certificate they could read it. Admit it, birthers, if someone shoved Obama's birth certificate directly up your pasty fat ass, you would still deny its existence. Just because someone isn't from your neighborhood doesn't mean they're a foreigner. It means they're not part of your inbred family. I'll entertain the theory that Obama is from Kenya if you can show me Kenya on a map.

Thank you for your understanding,

Larry Nocella
Manager, Department of Human Conduct

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