NRA Vows to Help Fight Wildfires with Flamethrowers

A problem that the NRA believes could use more fire.
photo credit

The NRA announced today that they have shipped several flamethrowers to Australia and California to help those regions fight raging wildfires.

The move is part of the group’s recent efforts to expand its mission and attract new members. NRA membership has sagged in recent years due to the public’s weak enthusiasm for getting shot and mocking survivors of gun violence.

“We have always had a unique approach,” spokesman Wayne LaPierre said in a statement. “In the past, when there were too many guns, we prescribed more guns. This is a logical extension of that reasoning.”

Also included in the shipment will be materials for children. A comic featuring the new mascot, “Flamey McBurnsalot” will assist young ones in proper flamethrower handling.

“The only way to stop a bad fire is with a good fire,” LaPierre said. “If we burn down the entire forest before a fire gets there, the wildfire has no fuel. This rationale works for us with guns, because the logic is irrefutable.”

Asked about the dangers a flamethrower may pose to its operator, LaPierre responded, “Flamethrowers don’t burn people. Fires do.”