“Total Chaos” Warns Name Expert As Options for Spelling “Britney” reach Double Digits

Two young ladies. At least one is probably named Britney.
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Grammarians warn “There Are No Rules Any More” as permutations for the spelling of the name Britney reaches double digits.

“It’s total chaos out there,” said Professor Niles Muberhagen, head of the Naming Project, an organization that tracks baby names in the USA. “I’ve seen at least a dozen variations: Britni Britnee Britnahey Britanee Brittany Brittknee Britahiney Brittnie Britneigh Brihtny Bryytny. Bherhityany. On and on. Worst part about it is you can take the same suffixes and make as many variations of the name Ashley. No name is safe from this.”

Muberhagen added, “At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if folks start adding Qs and Xs at the end of their names and just declare them silent. Jesus.” 

When asked if he could explain the source of this trend, Muberhagen said, “I think it’s just a sign of the times. Everyone is trying so hard to be unique, but they all sound the same.”