Actual Catfish Frustrated With Online Dating Scene

A catfish
photo credit

In the ocean somewhere, a catfish expressed frustration at his lack of success with online dating.

“Most people complain that profiles don’t match reality,” the catfish said. “So I tried a different approach. I’m totally, completely honest. No filters, no exaggerations, just honesty. But it’s not working for me. I’ve made exactly zero connections.”

The catfish swam around before continuing.

“Everyone wants someone who is authentic. I’m real as real gets. In my bio, I was straight up. I wrote, ‘I’m a catfish. I may just be a weird fish with whisker-like growths, but I need love, too. And I’m willing to share. Hobbies include swimming and eating raw fish.’ So far, no luck.”

The catfish swam around some more then went on. “I didn’t give up. If they weren’t coming to me, I would go to them. Either I get no response, or ‘Ew, you’re a catfish.’ or ‘A catfish isn’t supposed to announce they’re a catfish, dumbass.’ Things like that. It’s confusing. Do they want me to be authentic or not?”

Despite the challenges, when asked if he was going to give up on the online dating scene, the catfish expressed optimism.

“I’m not going to give up. I know there’s a match for me out there. There’s plenty of humans on the land.”