The Galactic Federation’s Governing Board of Networked Artificial Intelligences issued a dire travel warning today, alerting all sentient member species to avoid Earth at all costs.
“While human creatures populate only a small portion of the planet,” the warning said, “Their negative impact is felt across the entire orb. They may be largely confined to landmasses, but do not be fooled. Humans are deadly to outsiders, their own planet’s ecosystem and each other. It’s a mystery how they have evolved this far. Stay away.”
In the past, Earth has provided Federation members with popular attractions and activities, including flying over cars on rural highways at night, dissecting cows, and abducting humans.
Recently, however, several deadly encounters have proven that Earth is far more dangerous than it appears. Among the incidents:
- A hive-mind of Greys, attempting to present themselves as friendly visitors, were obliterated by humans using primitive firearms.
- A second Grey-carrying ship was incinerated after being shot down by human-made drones.
- A band of Reptiloids drowned after landing their space craft on a glacier that melted due to human activity warming the planet beyond life-sustaining levels.
- A delegation of Little Greens, attempting to deliver life-span-extending tech to the humans, were kidnapped and dissected alive at an air force base.
Despite the risks, some planned on ignoring the travel warning. Glorgix Z’Klonyran, spokes-beast of the Radonkulon species, expressed its skepticism.
“The government lies. They just want to control us. Everyone needs to stay calm. I’ve been going to Earth for centuries and I’m just fine. I’ll be going again soon. Nothing is going to keep me from racking up another notch on my anal probe.”