Analysis of “Red Pills” Reveals they’re Actually the Drug Conforma™

Red pills rumored to make you see the truth, but actually make you gullible.
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Ingesting a “red pill” is required if you want to see reality. That’s according to self-described free-thinkers. But scientists at Loggenbram University reached a different conclusion after an extensive chemical analysis of those same pills.

“At first we thought it was a joke,” said Doctor Arthur Simmons, head of research at Loggenbram. “But every test proves those red pills are an unlabeled version of an obscure tranquilizing drug, Conforma™.”

Conforma™ was developed in the 1960s during the height of the CIA’s experiments with mind control and consciousness-altering drugs. Its design was part of the MK-ULTRA program.

Simmons explained. “The CIA was researching ways to pacify entire populations. They created a drug that made people believe what they were told – without question – while simultaneously convincing them they had been rigorously skeptical before adopting those views.”

Efforts to manufacture the drug were successful, but deploying the tablets proved impractical.

“If I come up to you on the street,” Simmons said, “then I hand you a pill and demand you swallow it, you’d run away. Rightly so. The program was scrapped because Conforma™ became unnecessary. The rise of Fox News and several online info-cults like Q Anon had the same effect.”

Simmons continued, “It turns out, these self-described free-thinkers are taking a drug that makes them more gullible. They think they’re embracing new ideas, but they’re just believing any garbage – no matter how absurd – that doesn’t come from an official source. Worse yet, they think they’re true skeptics.”

So how did the drug get into circulation?

“No idea. Someone should look into that,” Simmons said. “Someone trying to make a buck probably stole it from an old CIA warehouse. Conforma™ is ideal for illicit sales because it begins a feedback loop. People take it, then they believe it works, so they take more. Same old story, really. Human history is littered with people deceiving themselves.”