Would-Be Thief Slips In Puddle Of Urine After Armed Citizen Fearfully Wets Self

The entrance to El Bodega Loco, where an armed citizen stopped a robbery.
photo credit

The attempted robbery at El Bodega Loco could have ended like any other theft. A ski-mask-wearing bandit storms in, jabs his gun at the cashier and runs out with money.

But this time was different. This time, a customer in the store was armed.

Cashier Ramón Canteres described the scene.

“Big Man comes in often. Gets his pop, moves on. We chat sometimes. Usually he on about conceal-carry gun rights. Showed me his pistol once. He always wearing t-shirts with pro-gun patriot fight-the-government slogans. Little tense, but he all right.”

It was just another evening when mystery hero “Big Man” was in the back, getting his drink from the cooler.

“That’s when bandito shows up,” Cantares said. “I was scared, not lying, but I’m thinkin’ you came to the wrong place, amigo! Big Man behind you and he packin’ a nine.”

But the unknown customer “Big Man” didn’t move.

“While this pendejo screaming ‘Give me cash!’ I go slow. Give Big Man time to draw, right? But he just standing there. Looked terrified, you know? He already white, now he whiter than white, whiter than milk. I’m talking to him with my eyes. Like, this is it, bro. What you been waiting for. But Big Man frozen, eyes huge.”

“Big Man” never did draw his weapon. Mr. Cantares expressed his disappointment.

“Bummer, but it’s okay. Lost money bad but we gonna live, right? So, el bandito takes the cash and runs. I’m about to ring up the five oh when robber guy slips and falls! Wipes the [expletive] out. Hits his head on the door frame. Bang! Out cold. As in no más.”

While the would-be thief lay unconscious, Big Man slipped out of the store without a word.

“He took off,” Cantares said. “Left his drink. Said nothing. That’s when I noticed the dark stain in his pants. I come around the cash box and almost slipped and broke my ass, too. From where Big Man was standing all down the aisle, there’s a puddle of piss. Big Man stopped him all right. That mother-[expletive] wet his pants.”