Pressing One for English Nearly Kills Man Who Refused to Apologize for Post of American Flag

The final social media post of a self-described “American Badass”
photo credit

Six-foot-five, three-hundred-pound self-described “American Badass” John Bingsten collapsed yesterday. He remains in critical condition.

Bingsten fainted shortly after posting a photo of the American flag to social media. He added the caption, “I will not apolgize(sic) for posting this!”

Within the hour, EMTs wheeled him into the emergency room. Dr. Rajeesh Hajatmandani, the receiving doctor, spoke to reporters.

“The patient lost consciousness after a phone service asked him to press one for English. This began a panic attack brought on by uncontrolled rage.”

Bingsten’s girlfriend, Britanny Smith, fought back tears as she recalled finding him.

“He was on the floor seizing and crying. I kept asking what was wrong. All he did was weep. Like a baby. I can still see his tears running down his favorite motorcycle vest. The one that says ‘Kill ‘em all and let Allah sort ‘em out.’ He was twitching. Shaking. Foaming at the mouth.”

Bingsten was clutching his phone and his sewer bill. Authorities say he encountered the automated menu attempting to call his sewer company. The simple request was too much for him to take and he collapsed.

Friends and family shared their anger on social media. Several replied to Bingsten’s post.

“John was right to not apolgezi(sic),” read one post.

“Delate(sic) this,” read another. “I hold every non-English speaker responsible.” The comments included a dozen American flag icons and several middle finger emojis.

When asked who was demanding Mr. Bingsten apologize for posting the flag, Ms. Smith said, “You know who I mean. A whole bunch of people. If the stupid sewer company didn’t cater to them, my boyfriend wouldn’t be in the hospital.”

There’s a final twist to this sad tale. Phone records show the final call from Mr. Bingsten’s phone was one number off from his sewer company. He had actually dialed a textile company based in Mexico. A statement issued by the company expressed sympathy to the loved ones.

“I still blame them,” Ms. Smith said.

When asked if her boyfriend could have simply pressed one and moved on, Ms. Smith was brief.

“No. Of course not. He did what any God-loving, true-blood American would do. He got angry.”