Mighty Nation Paralyzed by Roving Mobs of Chickens Coming Home to Roost

Some members of the invading army of chickens that have overrun the world’s strongest military.
photo credit

The mightiest nation that civilization has ever produced is at a standstill. The cause was not a rival nation’s super-weapon, or aliens with superior tech, or a massive asteroid. The culprit?

A seemingly endless parade of chickens coming home to roost.

Farmer Rufus Primwell commented on the disaster. “Now I been workin’ the land longer than your average farmhand, but I never seen a roostin’ like this. Chickens as far as the eye can see, going every which way! Folks usually got a few [of] them birds returning to the homestead, nothin’ ya can’t handle. But any dirt-slinger worth his slop knows you gotta deal with them as they arrive.”

Traffic nationwide froze as the roving mobs of livestock fowl snarled roadways. Primwell lamented his stalled shipments.

“None of my rigs can leave. Too many chickens. We tried to run ‘em over. Their guts gum up the grill. Their feathers block the windows. And more keep coming.”

Despite the tragedy, some are making the best of the country-wide shutdown. Retiree Mary Oldevan offers a simple solution. Sitting on the floor of her one-level home, she is surrounded by content chickens resting in beds of yarn.

“I’m knitting nests,” she said. “If we each address some, that will make a difference. If everyone chips in, we can get them to stop running about causing trouble. Maybe not all. But some. And some is more than none.”

For his part, Farmer Primwell was still focused on the problem.

“Ya can’t just let them birds out over and over and not prepare for their homecoming. It’s irresponsible. They all gonna come back around sometime. Then what you gonna do? You gonna run outta roosts, that’s what! Now we all got one durn hell of a problem, and I don’t see how we gonna solve it.”