New Business “StripBucks” Combines Lap Dances and Lattes

The new combination coffee-shop strip-club “StripBucks” serves all kinds of grinds.
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Entrepreneur Hudson Torrance is quick with his sales pitch. 

“Steve Jobs was king of the mashup. Take good ideas and mix ‘em together. He took the phone, the television, the music player and combined them into the iPhone. I’m doing the same. Gourmet coffee plus sexy bodies equals StripBucks!” 

So far, only one StripBucks exists in the Greater Los Angeles area. Torrance claims he is talking to investors seeking franchise opportunities.

“We cater to all tastes,” Torrance said. “All tastes of coffee, all tastes of sexuality. You want iced decaf and a large breasted blonde in a bikini? Done. You want dark roast no whip delivered from a boytoy with chiseled abs wearing a thong? Done! Free wifi, too. Why would you ever leave?” 

Early customers gave the place mixed reviews. 

Brent Forrester said, “I like it, but it’s hard to draft my screenplay when I see a sweaty ass shaking across the room. Then again, who cares about writing when that’s going on? I’m getting less done, but I don’t feel guilty about it.” 

Cassie Hindermann was also positive. “Once I was trying to ‘make it rain’ and I accidentally slapped my hot coffee onto Ramrod’s g-string. Scalded the poor guy all around the danger zone. I felt terrible. Other than that, I’ve always had a good time here.” 

Torrance was pleased with his early success.

“Our clientele are tech-savvy millennials. Each g-string comes with a RFID. That’s radio frequency identification. You can track them through the place with our app. Got a favorite stripper? You can find where he or she is in the club. Want to tip? Just swipe your phone near the goodies and set the amount. We even take bitcoin.” 

He mentioned only one remaining challenge. 

“I don’t know what to call the staff. Strippers + Baristas. Stripistas? Striptenders? I’m stuck on it. But I’ll get it. Mash-ups rule. Come to StripBucks! We serve all kinds of grinds!”