Georgia Redeemer State University’s head football coach guaranteed an undefeated season this year.
Coach Rod Barstow made the promise at a press conference attended by rowdy GRSU Crusaders fans.
“This year we got a new approach,” Barstow said. “And with it, we’re going undefeated. God as my witness!”
The fans, crowding out the sports media in the small conference room, erupted into cheers.
When asked by reporters about the prediction and what the plan was, Barstow explained.
“Simple. We’re going to get rid of the opposing team’s score.”
Other reporters were quick to follow up on the comment.
“What do you mean by that, Coach? You’re going to focus completely on offense?”
“No. Not at all,” the coach said. “We’re going out there to play our game.”
“And you get rid of the opponent’s score, how?”
“You just get rid of it.”
The newsroom buzzed.
“You mean not add it to the scoreboard?”
“Like I said. Get rid of it. Ignore it. It doesn’t exist! Georgia Redeemer State wins again! Never loses!”
“So, Coach. Let me play this out. Let’s say your guy kicks off to an opposing team.”
“Their receiver catches it and runs it in for a touchdown.”
“That’s six points for your opponent.”
“No, it ain’t, neither. It’s zero. Because we got rid of their score.”
“Why play the game at all then? Isn’t the point to best your opponent with grit? Strength? Determination? Hard work?”
“Nope. The goal is winning. So why not win all the time, no matter what?”
Further questions were drowned out by whooping and hollering Georgia Redeemer State fans.
“It’s a genius move,” said an unidentified shirtless fan with ‘F’ painted on his chest. “Why didn’t anyone think of it before? We’re never gonna lose again. [Expletive] yeah!”