DE-REGULATED! Militia Unable to Form Free Society by Using Threats of Murder to Resolve All Disputes

Yesterday, Camp Liberty was a small village in rural Missouri. That changed when residents formed “The Freedom Militia” and declared the town an autonomous zone. Then they announced their secession from the United States.

That’s when the trouble began.

Our reporters were denied entrance to the new nation. We instead asked militiaman Ron Dinster, who was guarding the front gate, how the young republic was faring.

“They say the price of freedom is eternal vigilance, but I’ll be honest with you,” Dinster said. “Eternal vigilance kinda sucks.”

But wasn’t he free?

“Free to do what? I’m always on edge, carrying my firearms everywhere. These guys were my friends, but now I don’t trust anyone. If they want what I have, they might try to take it. I sleep in with my gun’s safety off. How can I enjoy freedom if I’m on alert 24/7?”

Dinster spit in the dirt.

“We thought making a free country would be easy. Run around the woods with your pals. Shoot stuff. Plan mock drills. But once we declared our sovereignty, oh man, things got complicated fast.”

How so?

“For one, we never discussed how to resolve disputes. No need. Everyone’s free, so it was up to each citizen to defend his own. So who gets their way? Whoever has the biggest gun or the meanest swagger. Former friends threatened to kill each other over the smallest argument. Who got the biggest tent, the nicest cot, who took out the trash – you name it. No one budged because they refused to have their freedom infringed.”

Dinster looked to the night sky for answers.

“I wish I could shoot someone to make it all better. But who? Then that guy’s pals will come after me. Revolution was the easy part. After that? What a headache.”

As our interview ended, Dinster made a quiet plea.

“You all mind giving me a ride back to the USA? I don’t care if that makes me an illegal immigrant. Just get me out of here.”