CONDITIONAL LOVE! American Who Claims to Love the USA Hates Over 82% of the People in it & Several of its Key Freedoms

Kenneth B. Parnheck loves the United States.

“The USA is the best country in the world. No doubt about it,” he is fond of saying. But his enthusiasm comes with some conditions.

“We need to get rid of the immigrants. And the blacks, gays, feminists, and atheists. And the Jews, Muslims, liberals, and Catholics. I say send them all back wherever they came from.”

A quick estimate indicates that while Parnheck claims to love the USA, he hates well over three out of every four citizens.

But that’s not the end of his grievances with the nation he adores.

“I’m not a fan of people in the streets, complaining about this or that,” Parnheck said. “We’re here to respect the flag, respect the president, and respect the country.”

We pressed Mr. Parnheck on this comment — as the constitution guarantees the right to protest.

“Well sure, people can protest, but not about stupid things. They shouldn’t just bitch. They should only protest about real issues. Like if the government is taking away our freedoms.”

But if the government was taking away freedoms, wouldn’t it be too late?

“Well, that’s what we have the second amendment for. You don’t need all those other ones.”

But wouldn’t a violent overthrow of an elected government be against the USA’s democratic ideals?

“You know,” he responded, “I hate journalists, too. Go away. But God bless the USA.”

We asked if he felt a free press was essential to a democratic nation.

Mr. Parnheck responded by chanting “USA! USA! USA!” louder and louder and until all further conversation was impossible.

FAKE FRIENDS! Facebook Group Prefers Friend’s Hacked Account over the Actual Person

Members of the Laketown Ladies Facebook Group were disappointed to learn their friend Mary Smithson’s account had been hacked.

To clarify, their dismay came from the fact that Ms. Smithson had regained control of her account.
“Hey everyone,” Smithson posted in the social group. “You may have noticed my posts lately have been different. That’s because I was hacked!!! But I’m back now.”

Though the public responses on the forum were supportive, the mood in private was glum.

“She’s been fun lately,” said group co-founder Shreena Fulmer in a private message to everyone in the group except Smithson.

“Before the hacking, I would ask her what’s up and she would say ‘Oh, the usual.’ After she was hacked, she – I mean, the hacker – was always talking about something new. One day about how much money she made investing in cryptocurrency. The next about how she made money working from home.”

“I know, right?” replied the other group co-founder Brittany Erskine. “I was just glad she’d stopped posting pictures of her dumb kids. I mean, I love kids, but I try to only post when mine are doing something. Or accomplished something. Not just ‘Here my kids. Doing nothing.’ Boring.”

“What do you think, ladies?” Fulmer posted. She added a poll to the message. “Should we make a new group with everyone except Mary?”

Of the ten recipients, half voted so far. The results: five yes and zero no.

Erskine preceded her next post with several laughing emojis. “Maybe we should invite the person who hacked her account to the group.”