UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE! Scientists Scoff at Theoretical Alternate Universe Where There are No GEICO Commercials

“There’s no way. None at all. There are very few things that are certain in our universe. This is one. There is no escape from insipid GEICO television advertisements.”

So says Doctor Akmiri Harumukari as he addressed attendees during his keynote speech at the Symposium for Advanced Physics and Spatial Realities.

Dr. Harumukari was sympathetic to those who imagined such a world.

“I understand the urge to create soothing fictions. It’s the same impulse that gave us religion. We cope by imagining a place where harsh realities spare us. But I’m sorry. The laws of physics are laws. They do not bend. You will never settle in to enjoy your favorite programme and avoid forced cheekiness in the service of selling insurance. You will never escape GEICO ads.”

Harumukari’s comments drew criticism from his usual foes in the religious community.

“What are we supposed to tell children?” commented Pastor Heywood Langeth, a regular at the conference, and a critic of it.

“How can anyone find happiness knowing there will never be relief from the Cavemen? Or the cheeky English gecko? Or whatever-the-hell else comes next? I understand the need to face truths, but to confront one so bleak, it’s devastating.”

Known for his bluntness, Harumukari’s re-stated his view.

“I will not entertain the alternate reality hypotheses any longer. There is no universe in which one can be free of insipid GEICO commercials.”