HOW LOW CAN YOU GO? Social Media Influencer Monetizes Live Stream of His Descent to Hell

The youthful social media sphere was shaken to its core earlier this week following confirmation that that influencer Christopher “X-Treem” Mulligan had taken his own life.

Mulligan, 32, was host for one of the internet’s most popular live blogs, “The X-Treem Files.”

The daily three-hour video postings were long ramblings punctuated by stunts. Past hits included skateboarding off a roof, wearing one pair of underwear for five weeks, and setting himself on fire then trying to run fast enough to snuff out the flames.

Fans mourning Mulligan’s passing were surprised when a new video appeared in his feed.

“Hey everybody! It’s ya boy, X-Treem! You might be wondering why I’m in this dark tunnel with the rocks glowing red. That’s because I’m coming to you from the afterlife. That’s right. I’m descending into Hell. And it’s hotter than balls down here!”

“You may be wondering how I got here. I wasn’t sure if suicide was a sin, so I did a lot of bad stuff before I offed myself. To my neighbors, sorry about your twin babies. I had to do it, because I have the best fans and I’ll do anything for them.”

He laughed.

“And hey, remember to smash that like button. Share this stream. Right now I only got have a hundred thousand views. If I can get to half a mil, I’ll do something crazy down here. You got any ideas, type them in the comments.”

He wandered around a vast cave. The cavern floor was pockmarked with lava pools. Demons, their skin covered with thorns, tortured bodies hung on the rock walls.

Mulligan reviewed his cell phone.

“User megametal34 says ‘Go find Hitler.’ Dude. That is brilliant, bro. I will do that. Great idea. Yeah, Hitler is terrible but he’s had so many followers, so that’s got to count for something, right? Imagine all the clicks and views he could get!”

Mulligan panned across the enormous torture lair, watching the demons work.

“Oh snap, y’all!” he yelled. “Did you see that? Some demon tore out that guy’s heart. And look at this. This woman here, she’s trying to say something.”

The kneeling, bleeding woman held up a twitching moist slug-shaped of flesh.

“Oh, damn! They ripped out her tongue! Awesome!”

Suddenly the video feed darkened.

“Oh dang y’all! Check. This. Out. It’s Satan himself! The big dog. The biggest influencer of ALL TIME. Hey how you doing, bro?”

The darkness continued. Mulligan’s usually jolly voice broke.

“What do you mean I don’t get to go back? Not cool man! Not-”

The feed cut off. A debate has divided the fanbase since, opposing sides arguing whether the stunt was real or not.

As of this writing, the feed has had no further entries.

BLOWN AWAY BY KINDNESS! Neighborhood Stages Intervention to Help Obsessive Leaf-Blower Get a Life

“I never knew,” said Martin Bargleston. “Or maybe I did know, but just forgot. Over time, I guess I lost track of the idea that there is more to life than using my leaf-blower.”

The middle-aged suburbanite teared up as he gazed up and down his street.

“I guess this is what good neighbors are all about.”

He then looked down at several booklets he was holding. They were wrapped in a string and decorated with a bow. A small card read, “From ALL your neighbors. Near and far.”

“The whole neighborhood came together and gave me these. I found them on my doorstep.”

He flipped through the glossy flyers.

“Look at all these things I can do. In our own town! There’s bars, restaurants, a library, and sports! There are dozes, no, hundreds of classes at the community center. I could take up painting, pottery, even ballroom dancing!”

He looked to sky as he spoke.

“Turns out there’s more to life than waking before sunrise, starting my blower with a thunderous roar and then walking around with it rumbling until after sunset. All that time, I could be doing something else. Lots of things!”

Bargleston’s neighbors, who staged the intervention, were hesitant to discuss the matter and refused to give their names.

“None of us want to take credit for it. We wanted him to remind him we’re here, and we’re trying to sleep. Or maybe we’re just trying to think. Whatever. He woke us every morning and kept going all day. I wanted to run out and strangle him, but violence is never the answer.”

“I’m touched,” Bargleston said, “Truly touched. I never realized I had a problem. But they also anonymously emailed me a video. It was me with my leaf-blower. I chased a single leaf across the yard for a full two and three-quarters hours. Why didn’t I just bend over and grab it? All that time wasted!”

So what meaningful task or tasks will Bargleston do with his newfound free time?

“I’ve been thinking of washing my car by hand.”