“If you thought ‘tall inflatable wavy noodle guy’ helped bring in customers, you’ll love our next attraction!”
So teased Fred Scuzzman, self-described “King of Lot Lures.” He was addressing a standing-room-only crowd at the yearly convention of used car lot owners held in Baltimore.
“We’ve got limited inventory of this beauty. Don’t miss out. If you don’t put your $500 deposit down now, your competitors will.”
The line to put a deposit down for the as-yet-unannounced roadside attraction stretched out of the convention center.
Hank Schneider, who owns four used car lots outside Camden, New Jersey, couldn’t contain his excitement.
“When Apple announces a new iPhone, there’s a line around the block. That’s nothing. When Scuzzman announces a lot lure, there’s a stampede. Tall Inflatable Wavy Noodle Guy 2.0? Holy heck, I’d camp out for weeks if I had to.”
Afterward, Schneider wasn’t entirely happy.
“He said in his speech the deposit was five hundred. I wait for fourteen hours, get to the front of the line, and he says it’s actually fifteen hundred! I waited half a day and then they change the price?”
Despite the bait and switch, Schneider was still awestruck.
“Oh well. What can you do? Scuzzman is gonna Scuzzman. I’m just glad I’ll be getting mine soon, whatever it is. How on earth is he going to top ‘tall inflatable wavy noodle guy?’ People just see it and think, I need to buy a used car. What kind of insane genius would have made that connection? Fred Scuzzman. That’s who.”