Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
You’re at the edge of a difficult decision. Or you’re considering a bold move. Or you threaten to quit something you’ve been doing for a while. During those times, if you consult other people, both the well-meaning and the not-so will ask you, “What will you do instead?”
What will you do when you quit your horrible job? Who will you support if you don’t vote for one of the two very similar corporate candidates? What will you do when you drop out of college? When you leave your abusive relationship? Your awful family? Your oppressive religion and/or cult? What will you do when you move to a new city where you don’t know anyone?
Sometimes you have an answer. But sometimes, the answer you need is best expressed with two simple words: “Not This.”
I know, I know. You’re supposed plan. Don’t quit something unless you have something else lined up. That’s the ideal, but sometimes the matter is urgent. For your safety, or sanity, or self-esteem, or something, you can’t stand one more instant where you are. You don’t have time to plan. Ot maybe you’ve tried everything you’re willing to try, but you’ve reached your limit, and you’re done. More done than done. Going forward? You can’t even. Sometimes you don’t know what’s next, but you’re willing to risk it. You have to risk it. Because where you are must end and it must end right now.
The answer, when people ask, “But what is your plan? Where will go you? What will you do?” is simple: “Not this.”
That’s the summary of today’s discussion. If you want more detail, it follows. I came across this wisdom by accident, when I dropped out of college.
Quitting College, The Easy Way
Let’s start towards the end — when everything I suspected was confirmed against my desire to be so cynical.
I had called the university administration office to speak to an advisor. Once connected, I asked my simple question, “I no longer wish to attend college, how do I quit?”
The answer was brief and quick. She didn’t even pause to look it up or ask a colleague.
“Just don’t pay your bill.”
I was stunned. This couldn’t be. Wasn’t there something to sign? Wasn’t there a guidance counselor who would want to speak to me, try to talk me out of it? Find out what issue I was having? Didn’t someone — anyone? — want to find out why? I had accrued 75% to 90% of credits required for a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Science. Now I was announcing my intent to abandon the venture. Did anyone want to know why?
“Just don’t pay your bill.”
It seemed that no one cared. No. It was a fact that no one cared. They weren’t even interested in pretending to care.
“Just don’t pay your bill.”
It was a perfect summation of all I had experienced, and I was still shocked. This wasn’t an education. It never had been. This was a transaction. What I had thought served the purpose of enlightenment and advanced learning was just another purchase.
Like nearly everything else, The Academy had fallen to late-stage capitalism. Had it ever been free of it? Or had that been an illusion I, like so many others, had fallen for? I felt embarrassed. I was naive to have thought it was anything else. Now here it was, laid bare.
Just don’t pay your bill. Fine. I won’t.
A Multi-Decade Experiment in Quitting
I can look back now. After a few decades, it turns out quitting college was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Ever. Few decisions have been as frightening. In my tiny world few actions have been so boldly against the norm.
It was thrilling and terrifying because I had no idea what the future might hold. I had no idea what I would do next.
I was certain of very little, but that little I was damn sure of. No way could I endure being in a classroom for one more instant. I could not deal with someone else determining where my thoughts should go. I could not abide the ritual of learning by sitting and being lectured to, chasing the curiosity of someone else when I had plenty of my own to explore.
My truest hate was for “homework.” That was a ritual I had hated since the early days of high school. You hogged up my entire day, and now you want me to do more of your crap in my free time? I don’t think so.
I consulted others and still others offered their advice, unsolicited, as people do, when they heard of my intent. Some shrugged and let it go. Some claimed I was right but that this ritual was “required” for adulthood. Others were more aggressive, even angry. You’re so close, can’t you hold on and finish? They didn’t know that I had tried that. I had switched majors, transferred to another university, all kinds of variations. Nothing improved. I still hated it all.
There was a huge lesson here. I didn’t know how to articulate it at the time, but I do now. This bit of wisdom has served me well. Sometimes the best description of our future plan can be described as “NOT THIS!”
Because sometimes that’s as clear as it gets in the moment. You’ve tried everything to make it work, and it’s just not happening.
What Happened When You Quit?
And so, my college career ended. Without ceremony, without fanfare. With a simple, unpaid bill. I returned home to live with my parents. I suspect they were nervous. Both were valedictorians. Both had formal education beyond a standard Bachelor’s degree. I think what prevented further drama was that I went to work immediately.
I got a job. That was the default plan for after college. I cut out the middle step early. It’s what I always wanted: to be independent and have my evenings to myself. Bonus burst of wisdom here, after quitting with no plan, let your needs guide your next move.
A few years later, I moved out and supported myself with my girlfriend, who became my wife. She also comes from an academically gifted family and is also a proud college dropout. Yes, it was love at first sight. Funny twist: a mutual college friend introduced us, so I can’t say my journey to university was worthless.
Pause For De-Offense-ification
Whenever I tell my story of quitting college so long into the venture and how proud I am that I resisted the sunk-cost fallacy and stone-cold quit, I can come off a little judgey. I am cynical of the whole ritual, but I must take a moment and say this isn’t intended to offend anyone.
This isn’t me saying that you’re a sucker for getting a degree. Yes, I have my opinions, but I realize that this is what worked for me. I want people to realize that sometimes you have to jump, even without a plan. For those who attended university and had a wonderful experience I’m glad for them. It just wasn’t for me.
There are trades where intense schooling and certification are required and should be. (Architecture, engineering, medical fields, etc.) For what I wanted to do — computer programming (coding) — many people were self-taught. What I was teaching myself was more relevant than what I was being taught. The Computer Science classes I took never built the skills I wanted to build.
In the Rearview Mirror
Now I’m well into a history of working. I have a career. I like where I am and the unique perspective I bring to the degree discussion. Having only a high school diploma hasn’t held me back.
I shake my head a bit and laugh when I see stories about organizations moving toward “skills-based hiring” and away from degree requirements. (Source.) Shouldn’t that have always been the case? But I get it. Many people who have degrees are great, competent, etc. But a select few clowns think that sheet of paper is a magic scroll that makes them smart.
But we’ve all met plenty of people with degrees who are terrible at what they do. A degree and a skill seem to have a loose correlation – if any at all. What matters are the usual traits: determination, integrity, curiosity, humility, etc.
These aren’t new ideas, but it seems only lately such facts are entering the common consciousness and polite, public conversation.
Further Reading
I’ve even seen references to “The Paper Ceiling” (Paper Ceiling website) referring to how us un-degreed people can only progress so far in some short-sighted companies (probably the same ones that insist on making people go to an office.) There’s even a group now, and a name for us, STARs (Skilled Through Alternative Routes.) (The STARs website)
The Opportunity@work STAR program looks interesting. Unfortunately, it activates my personal paranoia that wonders why? I’m always skeptical of a group that comes out of nowhere and seems to have decent funding. In a system (the USA) where very little happens unless someone might profit, what’s the profit motive for a group like this? Possibly advocating for degree-less people in an attempt to make them accept less pay? I don’t know. I’m likely being too cynical in my speculation. It’s definitely worth a look.
So anyway, this is me encouraging you – no matter what you want to quit, to not worry so much if you don’t have all the answers. Yes, think about them, yes consider your plans. But I’d suggest also allowing for those times when you simply can’t stand one more moment where you are. Where your only destination is, “Not this!”
Links below are media on quitting and are affiliate links to Amazon. I will get credit for a referral at no extra cost to you. If you like the everyday wisdom shared here on LarryNocella.com, please click the link and shop away.
Quit and Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke – Annie Duke is brilliant and has written these two great books about decision-making. I could have used them 30+ years ago!
The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner. This short novel always makes me smile because of its ending. You’ll have to read it to find out why. It’s also a movie. And a song by Iron Maiden.