What kind of a complete stranger could you cry in front of? That was what I wondered when I decided to try talk therapy. I wasn’t planning on crying, but I was going all in, and who knows where that leads?
We accept checkups and tune-ups as sensible for our body and our machines, but we tend to think our mind can run itself for its whole lifetime without a single review. We think our mind is under our control, but I think after a few millennia, the evidence is in. Our minds are not fully under our control, and humans can occasionally be a bit, what’s the term? Nuts. We humans can be a bit nuts.
Fortunately, mental health awareness has improved over my lifetime. Nowadays I can’t listen to a single serial killer profile podcast without having to skip several ads reminding me to care for my mental health.
How to Choose a Therapist
I had no idea how to do any of this. Being a standard issue guy in many ways, I imagined my therapist as a femme fatale. Tight skirt, tight white blouse, stockings. Her hair would be in a bun, just begging to cascade down her back for instant sexy-mode activation.
I needed some maturity here. A pal advised she had switched therapists a few times before finding a match. Really? I was so new to this, I didn’t know that was an option. Of course, I had to stay “in network” for my insurance. Still, knowing I could change took the pressure off of finding a fit the first go. It all felt a little what I imagine the dating scene is like. You have to talk to a lot of frogs to find your prince.
I just wanted someone who would listen. I chose a woman. As an aspiring alpha male, I didn’t want to expose weakness to other males. Call me silly, call me childish, call me whatever you want. I plead guilty. But it’s me and my session, so what I say goes.
King. Captain. Don.
I don’t lack trusted people to talk to. I’ve not experienced the standard horrors of abuse, PTSD, etc. Sure, I complain, but catch me in a rare honest moment and I’ll admit I’m blessed.
Therapy isn’t just for when you need help. The same way having good health isn’t just for when you’re sick. Or exercise isn’t just for when you’re weak. You should maintain, develop good habits, and chase out bad ones. Whether it’s nutrition, physicality, or mentality, you have to get your reps in to be at your best.
I like the idea of having an advisor, a coach, someone completely out of the emotional atmosphere of your life. Being American, my worldview is informed by entertainment (reference my imaginary dominatrix therapist from earlier). I see myself as the Don, the king, the captain, leaning to the side, as my advisor whispers intel and wisdom in my ear.
The Outside View
The first session was a get-to-know-you. The therapist made sure I wasn’t having suicidal thoughts or battling any mental emergencies that would require immediate action. Once past that, we began. What did I want to get out of this?
I simply started talking. I spoke about things that bothered me, things new and old. Even very old.. It felt great to get an outside viewpoint. Your loved ones’ perspective is distorted by the same emotional atmosphere you live in. They too, are exhausted by it all, they too need to talk and be heard. But what if you AND your partner are both exhausted from listening? What if you BOTH need to talk? That can be overcome with patience, but a therapist makes it easier. That outside perspective, coupled with professional training, is a powerful resource.
When two people are drowning, we don’t ask one drowning person to assist the other. We dispatch a lifeguard out of the scene and rested, preferably with a rock-hard body. What I mean is, it’s best to send someone out of the chaos to help. Someone trained and skilled in navigating rough waters.
Taking a Shower For Your Soul
I have ended up liking the sessions and continue them regularly. Sometimes the talks are deep. Sometimes they’re brief and amount to a check-in. After the sesh, even if the tone was sad, frustrated, or angry, I feel refreshed. Therapy is like taking a shower for your soul.
It’s like having a friend without the pressures and obligations of friendship. We talk about anything on my mind. In this way, I’m able to respond rather than let ruminating corrode my inside.
I want to say therapy is not for everyone, because I’m not everyone. But like I said at the start, do you really think your mind can run itself at its best your whole lifetime without any outside review? I don’t want to preach, so I’ll say I do think everyone should at least try therapy. See if it works for you.
You’re not giving up anything. You’re still the star player of your life. No matter what your coach says, you still perform the action. But it’s helpful to have someone, sometimes applauding you, sometimes giving constructive feedback, but always wants you to succeed.
Graphic by CHAT GPT AI with this prompt: Please make a strange but attractive square graphic to accompany a blog about a person attending talk therapy and working on their mind represented with swirling colors.
Like this article? Please share and visit LarryNocella.com to read more like it. If you join the mailing list, you’re get a free science fiction short story eBook! Then you’ll receive and email every time there’s a new post. It’s free and unsubscribe anytime.