Helping a Depressed Friend with How to Purchase a Gun

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

What We Can Learn from an Appalling Lack of Situational Awareness.

“I’m depressed,” my acquaintance posted on Facebook.

You’ve probably seen similar testimonials. Someone shares a deep secret on social media. In this case, as expected and warranted, many friends offered their support, their love.

It was one of those moments when you think social media can be a beautiful thing.

Then, a week later, the same guy posted requesting advice on how to buy a gun. His friends began offering tips on what handgun would be best for him. The same so-called friends who one week ago promised support for his deep depression were offering advice on how he might purchase a firearm.

It was one of those moments when you think social media can be an awful thing.

I didn’t know the guy well. “Friend” has become a loose label thanks to social media. To call this guy a friend would be too strong, “Acquaintance” was more accurate. Still, even though I’d only met him a few times, I felt I had to say something.

A generous conclusion would be his friends were oblivious. Maybe they didn’t remember all the bro-hugging about support against depression from the previous week. I hesitated. Would this be some sort of social overstepping?

I thought about it overnight. The man’s safety was urgent enough that I was willing to risk our acquaintanceship. I couldn’t be silent, and so I replied to all the responses to his “What’s a good gun?” request. In essence, I said this: “How dare you help your friend buy a gun when he just said he’s severely depressed! Are you all stupid?”

Speaking Up with Surprising Results

The replies came back much as I feared. I don’t need to tell you what they said. You already know. They were the same logic-free NRA talking points that have been circulating for years.

“He has a right to a gun.”
“If he’s going to kill himself, he’ll find another way, so why does getting the gun matter?”
The one I remember most was the context-free one: “We don’t want to become Europe.”

Who said anything about Europe? I wasn’t discussing gun control, hadn’t even mentioned that topic. This wasn’t a debate. I was addressing a very practical matter: our acquaintance/friend recently told us all that he struggles with extreme depression. Then, mere days later, he expressed interest in buying a gun, and many of his so-called friends gave him advice on how to do so.

What about that sequence sounds okay to you? To ANYONE except those in the thrall of gun cult mythology?

To conclude this sad tale, the depressed guy answered all our comments with some mush about appreciating “both sides” of the discussion.

I wanted to say, “You need some new friends, stat.” But it never came to that, because soon after his “both sides” comment, he deleted it all: his request for gun-shopping advice, his dumb “friends” telling him how to get one and which would be best, and my post scolding them.

That was the last I heard of it.

I hope I made a difference but I’m not optimistic. Since he was but an acquaintance, I disconnected from him on social media. I did not want to be around should the obvious happen.

The Mental Component

That’s what happened and it is a true story, but I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me. A skeptical person would think I made the story up to promote an agenda. There’s a lot of that going on.

People make up anecdotes that support their views. They make claims, say, that a person in the military came up to them and told them (in tears) how bad the current president is. Or some religious person claims that dozens of atheists arrived at their temple and wept because they were so hopeless. Or whatever. The sales pitches are never-ending.

I appreciate skepticism, but if you look around you’ll observe your own stories just like the one I mentioned earlier. Here in the USA, there’s no end of firearm owners who lack situational awareness, that is, the mental component of competent action. Here’s some samples: A person knocks on a door because they’re lost and gets shot. Police arrive at the wrong address with tragic results. A sound of a falling acorn, a plastic bag thrown, all result in shots fired.

Knowing HOW is not the same as knowing WHEN and WHY

What worries me most are these amateur commandos think that just because they have shown competency at a firing range, that they understand all there is to about shooting and killing another person. They think that just because they have proven that they know HOW to shoot a weapon, their work is done. They don’t seem to devote much time to pondering or training about WHEN and WHY to shoot one. Their noble impulse to defend themselves and others becomes dangerous because their practice is incomplete.

They haven’t tested themselves under real-world less-than-ideal conditions. Such as, if they are half-asleep and they think an intruder is in their home. Or if they are exhausted. Or if they are afraid, or babysitting an infant, etc.

I personally do not own a firearm, and despite my leanings and preferences, I’m not as anti-firearm as you might suspect. I see a use for them, but I see far much more carelessness and very little attention paid to the mental component of action.

This isn’t just about weapons, though — this is about anything and any action. When you’re planning for action remember there’s more than just HOW, there’s also WHEN and WHY. There is always a mental piece, and often an emotional piece. All of these play into it and we need to train on them just as much — if not more.